Was it really back in February when I blogged about victory and how it comes after a long, hard struggle?
Sheesh, I had no idea what I was in for.
Not to say it’s been a horribly cruel summer. But friends, it hasn’t been easy. For the past few weeks, I’ve been in a state of mind where I’m continually questioning why God has made me the way I am or placed me where I am. I say that I trust Him and His plans. And I believe that I’m right where I need to be. But my actions don’t support that line of thought. I find myself giving into anxiety, which makes for a lot of confusion and worry.
And I don’t like it.
I could blame it on changes in my job. Or unmet expectations in relationships. Or trying to wrap my head around what it is I’m doing with my life [20s angst, anyone?]. But something within me realizes these are all just surface anxieties. I’m not getting to the root issue. This is probably why I come back to a place of emotional weariness again and again in jobs, relationships, and life overall. There’s something at the core that I have yet to put my finger on.
I’ve been reading up on personalities and personality tests recently. Florence Littauer’s Personality Plus is a thought-provoking read, and I’m hoping to check out Tim LaHaye’s Spirit-Controlled Temperament soon. The whole four temperaments theory makes a lot of sense, and I love to see how my own personality affects my behavior [melancholy/phlegmatic person right here!]. You can take Littauer’s test at this site, and there are more personality resources here.
Anyway! All this to say, I’ve been just kind of floating along lately. My determination and drive have been lacking [obviously, as I haven’t posted here in a couple weeks now!], and it’s affecting my weight-loss journey.
As of today, I weigh 194.8lbs. That’s a total loss of 50.2lbs, which is good. But not when I had recently reached 60lbs lost. :( I do NOT want to go back to where I started! Sad thing is, I didn’t even record my weigh-ins the past couple Wednesdays.
So yes. There have been struggles.
But! I believe I can do better, friends.
It just requires day by day action. Making good, healthy choices moment by moment. Going back to the basics. Stopping the continuous introspection and choosing to trust in what God’s doing in my life.
A coworker/friend gave me this bookmark some time ago, and it’s a great reminder for me during this season: